Courtesy TriStar Pictures
So I’m just getting around to this writeup. Too much life happening these days. Anyway, fuck it, let’s dip our balls into this review.
It crushes, and I mean CRUSHES, me to speak ill of Neill Blomkamp (director). Back in 2005, I was watching all of his awesome commercials and shorts and just hoping this guys talent would get recognized. Well, flash forward four or so years and it happened in a big way. His first major release, District 9, came out and blew everyone’s head out of their ass with stunning originality, mind-blowing visual effects, and non intelligence insulting storytelling. With that as it’s predecessor, Elysium had a pretty high bar to reach for. Unfortunately… it couldn’t make the leap and hang on.
It’s primary offenses are innocent enough but they can’t be overlooked. A lack of character development and heavy-handed storytelling can’t keep things on par with a good concept, great cast, and a seemingly amazing world that serves as the back drop. While watching, I caught myself making that half squint face you make when something’s unsatisfying. The problem was, I wanted to like it so much that I would realize it and immediately sit back up and get into it. It was an attempt at lying my way into enjoying the movie… a denial that 90% of people who saw The Dark Knight Rises are still experiencing (Oooooh snap! No he didn’t! But… oh yeah, it’s true. That’s uh… not a good movie at all actually.)
Matt Damon is former bad guy turned loveable teddy bear after a stint in prison… or something. He ends up getting dosed with a ton of radiation at his straight and narrow factory job and is told that he’s toast in a few days. Now, with the help of a poor man’s Iron Man suit, he’s going to Elysium where they have machines that heal any harmful bodily issue ever. Who’s going to stop him though? It’s Jodie Foster who plays a poor people hating defense secretary with a questionable french accent.
Along the way there are some other characters that are pretty forgettable. Let’s see, you’ve got the possible love interest who’s a Latina nurse with resolve as thin as paper and her nearly loveable daughter who’s dying of and tells a strange story about animals to the main teddy bear in one scene. The analogy, I’m sure, is adorable to anyone who understood it… which is no one. Oh, and the half gangster, half humanitarian aide guy who helps the main teddy bear out a bunch of times for reasons that I’ve also forgotten.
The most notable character in the movie is Kruger. Played by Sharlto Copley, who we know best as the nervous little weirdo of a main character in District 9, Kruger is awesome. He’s a secret operative on Earth who works for the Elysium government. Where as the stereotype would dictate this character be a badass warrior kind of guy, Kruger is a sick rapist, murderous, maniac with a shit load of high-tech gear at his disposal. He makes for a pretty good bad guy, but one he’s one who you just don’t get to see enough of and that’s his only draw back. It’s the Episode I treatment of Darth Maul all over again. Why do the best bad guys get snubbed?!
When people ask me for my opinion on it, I give them the truth. They then usually follow-up that question with another. “Should I even bother seeing it?” My answer is usually yes believe it or not. A movie like this, if watched at all, needs to be seen on the big screen (IMAX If you can front it). You (if I know anything about anyone who reads these posts) are going to see the movie regardless. Instead of renting it, go see a matinée. Why? Well, the movie may miss the mark on the character and story aspects of a great movie, but it nails the mark on being a visually stunning one. Some people may not dig on his visceral, handheld style, but there are sequences in this flick that are just gorgeous.
Ultimately, I (not to quote myself but uh… here’s a quote from me) summed it up in a Facebook post recently that I feel captured the metaphor for seeing Elysium.
Good luck out there. Maybe you’ll love it. If that’s the case, in a very non sarcastic manner, I’m actually quite envious. I wanted to like it, you guys. I wanted to like it so fucking bad. It just, suffice it to say, ain’t no District 9… or even a very good movie for that matter.
I give Elysium 2 out of 5 inhaler puffs
Love, your idiot pal,
-Dave
